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Purr-fect or Cat-astrophe? Cats trailer shocks internet

Author
Newstalk ZB, Washington Post,
Section
Audio,
Publish Date
Sunday, 21 July 2019, 10:46AM
Jennifer Hudson stars in the new adaptation of Cats. (Photo / Supplied)

It happened. They're here. The humanlike felines have arrived.

The long-awaited trailer for "Cats" - based on the Broadway musical of the same name, which itself was based on a book by T.S. Eliot - surprise-dropped Thursday evening, fracturing the internet into a group of those who couldn't care less about "Cats" and those who cannot stop tweeting about "Cats." The movie comes from the mind of Tom Hooper, the Oscar-winning director behind "The King's Speech" and "Les Misérables," and inexplicably stars many famous people, including Jennifer Hudson, Taylor Swift, James Corden, Rebel Wilson, Jason Derulo, Idris Elba, Judi Dench and Ian McKellen.

The titular cats are furry, yes, but they walk and sing like humans, which prompts a slew of questions. Here are 34 of them. (The rest will come to us at night as this trailer haunts our dreams.)

Why do some cats have clothes and some cats not have clothes?

Who is the tailor for the cats with clothes?

Why do some cats have hats? Why would someone make a hat for a cat that requires holes?

Do the cats gain some higher sentience that allows them to walk upright, freed from the chains of walking on all fours?

Some of the lighting is cat-sized, suggesting these cats have an intellectual grasp of electricity and basic mechanical skills. Is there a contingent of working-class cats who are responsible for the upkeep of this secret cat world while the upper class just runs around, singing whenever they please?

How can anyone do anything from here on out, knowing they could be watching the "Cats" trailer instead?

How angry are the folks behind "Top Gun" for releasing a trailer on the same day as "Cats?"

Do dogs exist within the "Cats" universe? How do the cats feel about them?

Why do the cats have human lips?

If the cats have human mouths, how do they clean themselves? Do they take showers or are there cat tongues in there?

Why can the cats have human teeth but Sonic the Hedgehog can't?

How are the Sonic the Hedgehog animators doing, anyway?

But wait, if the world is human-sized, does that mean there are humans?

If there are humans, then why aren't the humans freaking out that there are a bunch of clothes- and hat-wearing bipedal cats who look vaguely like humans and sing show tunes all around New York City?

Why do the cats have human noses? Does this not terrify the humans?

As this is set in New York, are the human Milk Bar chain and the cat Milk Bar chain both owned by Christina Tosi? Or is there pending litigation over this matter? Or is Christina Tosi also a cat in this world?

Is there a cat economy that allows them to pay for things like hats with holes, milk and sometimes clothing?

Why is James Corden in this? Is he going to win an Oscar before Amy Adams?

Do the cats only listen to show tunes, or do they enjoy other musical genres and stylings?

Isn't it illegal for Jason Derulo to be in something without announcing his own name first?

Are there birds in the "Cats" world? If there are birds in this world, are they sentient as well? Are all of these cats basically murderers?

Is Idris Elba's involvement in this film consensual? (We can't tell from this trailer.)

Do these cats have retractable claws? Where do the claws go and, if so, how do their fingers still work with claws in them? Or are they all like Wolverine?

Do the cats work out?

There's a scene where a cat is in a bed with goose-feather pillows. Are the cats not horrified by the idea of humans using animal parts for their own comfort? Do they not think they could ever be slaughtered and used for bedding?

When the Rebel Wilson cat falls, jumps up and begins scatting, we see another cat look down on her with disdain. This cat is sitting on a leather chair. Why are the cats so cavalier about other animals being killed and turned into furniture? Do they connect more with humans than other animals?

There is a scene with two cats dancing on a dinner table. On the table is a bowl of peas. The bowl of peas is as large as the cats themselves. So if the cats are living in a human world, does that mean the humans are giant or the cats are tiny?

The Judi Dench cat is wearing fur. Which animal did this fur come from?

The Taylor Swift cat is liberally pouring out catnip the way one might pour out their drink in solidarity of a late friend. Is catnip the same as alcohol in this world? If so, why isn't it a Catnip Bar instead of a Milk Bar?

Why do the cats speak English? All the signs are in English, including the cat-sized signs. Does this mean cats can read and write? How did they learn these skills? And why?

What happens if we put a laser dot in there?

In one scene, the cats dance in a theater. On the wood planks making up the theater's floor is what appears to be a pentagram. Do the cats worship Satan?

Why does this trailer end in Trafalgar Square? Aren't they in New York? How did they get to London?

This holiday season, will we truly believe?

 

ON AIR: Total Recall

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