Well it's Easter Sunday. The holiest of Christian days. Forget Christmas, that was just a birth and Good Friday was just a man being tortured to death.

Easter Sunday is whole enchilada because it commemorates the resurrection, the revelation for all those who witnessed it that Jesus was indeed the son of God, because no plain man can do that sort of stuff and therefore there must be something bigger than mankind and the visible universe out there.

A reason. A why. The big I am.

And the revelation of the resurrection is important for Christians because it reminds all of them of their own personal revelations. The little things in a life that amounted to their own discovery that there is a God and they have a faith in the unseeable.

So it's a big deal for those New Zealanders. Not all. The last census told us that only half of this country consider themselves Christians and even less practice their belief by going to church. But despite this, the entire nation commemorates this event - even though Helen Clark declared us a secular nation and even though half this country are non believers.

So Kiwis are on holiday in an orgy of fishing and barbecues and beer and family time, making up for all the things they’ve given up in the past 40 days of Lent - the time of penance and moderation which this year was very difficult to keep to as we were doing so well in the Cricket World Cup.

But for those like me who are unsure of the exact nature of God, this is still a religious time because if there is one time I see the face of God and wonder, it’s when I spend time with my family and look at the miracle of their birth and creation and how much I unconditionally love them.

One reason I remain faithful yet uncommitted is the presence of so many other religions in the world. They too have looked to solve the big why and come up with completely different answers to the Christians. I can't doubt them anymore than I doubt Christianity, because they too are men and women and we are all part of God's creation, so why should Christians be any more or less right than anyone who believes the Roman Gods of Olympus are the truth.

Religion's biggest job is to give faith and to provide rules for civilised communities. And that’s important.

And then there are those who don’t believe in God at all. The Stephen Frys of this world who counter that - if there is a God, why does he, or she, or it, allow so many unspeakable horrors to befall so many innocent people? Why allow genocide in Rwanda, drought in Ethiopia or tsunamis in Japan?

Fair point. That faith was shaken this week by the crash of the Germanwings plane in southern France. Such an evil, narcissitic and pointless destruction of 149 innocent lives because one man might lose his job as his eyesight was failing and he was unhappy because his girlfriend had left him.

That keeps on coming back to haunt me this week the same way the death of 185 people in Christchurch four years ago haunts me. Why? Why? Why God?

It's been explained to me that there must be some greater reason for these outbreaks of horror that we can't see. A family member of a crash victim may change their path because of the events and change the world. It's God's will and God has a plan. It's hard to grasp that. I guess that's where faith comes in.

But my understanding of mystery and wonder is based on science. I remember interviewing the famous atheist Richard Dawkins where I asked him if he believed in the Big Bang, the singularity which then created the entire known universe including man. He did, and so I asked him who lit the fuse that set off the Big Bang. Who or what was before that split second of time of creation? He said he didn’t know but science will explain it one day. So I said that is when science will prove the existence of God. He snorted.

But that's what I believe. God was the architect of the Big Bang. In that moment of time, decisions were made that resulted in all things evolving. From galaxies, stars, planets and even termites and the wonder of giraffes - and of course man. Something created all things. Not in six days, but in a moment and then over the following 13.8 billion years, which is the current estimate of the age of the universe.

I hope that when I die the reason and the answer of it all will be shown to me, but I have serious doubts that a mere mortal like I will have the ability to comprehend it.

But I also believe that God is Love. Richard Dawkins told me that was wishy-washy and I said, 'well so are your answers as to what came before the Big Bang!' 

Belief in love means that I also believe when I die I will feel that love and it will comfort me. As for eternal life, when I look into my children’s eyes I know that I will live forever.