You can imagine a sequel. A year has passed. Cut to Wooley in a boat. There's Gayford and Ardern, frozen with fear. Wooley is leaning over a cot. The cameras are rolling, we have sound, and Wooley is chanting, "Who's a good little baby. Who's a good little baby. Big smile for your old mate Charlie!"

Steve Braunias is the senior writer at the NZ Herald