Warning: This article discusses domestic violence

An Auckland woman whose former partner has been charged with perpetrating serious domestic violence against her says she feels horrified and “physically ill” after learning he has a profile on a dating app.

“It was a month after I had been assaulted and injured,” she told the Herald.

“The idea that another woman could be drawn in, just like I was, is deeply upsetting. It’s retraumatising and terrifying.”

She believed it was “appalling” that dating platforms allowed people to join with “no real vetting”.

“You need to recognise that your platforms are not just matchmaking services - they are environments where real-world harm can occur. And like any workplace or public venue, you have a duty of care to prevent foreseeable harm.”

The woman advocated for better safety infrastructure, including ID verification.

She said the platforms could also partner with authorities to cross-reference users facing charges for family violence, sexual harm or abuse of children and prohibit them from joining.

“You can’t claim to be about connection and trust if you allow [alleged] predators to operate freely on your platform.”

In addition, prosecutors should start barring those accused of this conduct from going on dating apps as a “standard bail condition”, she said.

“Just as courts restrict alcohol, internet access, or contact with children in other cases, they should restrict dating app use for defendants in family violence, sexual, or child abuse cases. These apps are being used as tools to reoffend.”

Her biggest concern, was that someone else would be harmed by the accused man.

“I’m aware of previous cases where domestic abusers already have a new partner shortly after being charged or by the time their trial rolls around.”

Auckland University of Technology senior law lecturer Paulette Benton-Greig. Photo / Supplied

AUT sexual violence and gender senior lecturer Paulette Benton-Greig said bail conditions were imposed to ensure public safety and prevent people from interfering with evidence or witnesses related to the case.

In serious crime cases, including family violence offending, victims should be consulted about conditions that could impact their safety, she said.

Benton-Greig had not heard of any cases where a condition not to go on dating apps had been ordered.

“Sometimes the court will impose a condition of not accessing the internet more generally. That is most common in cases where the internet was used as part of the offending, like, for instance, accessing child sexual abuse material or internet fraud.”

Judges, she said, were able to craft more generic conditions to fit the circumstances of the case.

“There are operational issues around enforcement, but they are designed and intended to keep people safe.”

She believed family violence survivors needed more protections and better approaches should be introduced to prevent more people being victimised.

“I also think that there are capacities of dating apps that can allow users of violence to seem very charming. You often have no other connection to a person you meet on an app, so no other ways to check out what kind of person they are.”

She said the immediacy of the communication can make “love bombing” – which she described as often a sign of bad things to come - seem romantic or love at first meet.

“So those things can make it easy for people who use violence to meet new people.”

Benton-Greig said there was a group of people who used violence in relationships repeatedly.

“They can come across very charming in the beginning. They can often sometimes think that this person is the person they love, and they’ll do it differently this time. And then that doesn’t happen. Often violence happens as a form of control, a way to keep someone in your realm.”

However, it was hard to see how a bail condition against dating app use could be introduced effectively.

Benton-Greig said information was available in the Family Violence Information Disclosure Scheme, which is a tool that allows people to ask police if a person they are in a relationship with has a history of violence.

A Tinder spokesperson told the Herald the app was “committed” to keeping its community safe.

“We continuously work to improve our systems to help prevent bad actors from accessing our platform. Our teams use a combination of automated tools and human moderation to help remove bad actors proactively.

“If a member contacts us to report any bad online or offline behaviour, our team carefully reviews the report and takes the necessary action to remove any inappropriate profile from our platform.”

The spokesperson said that if a crime has been committed, Tinder encourages members to report it to local law enforcement.

“Our dedicated team will cooperate with law enforcement if they are contacted directly.”

Police Prosecution Service and Resolutions Service director Sarah McKenzie said imposing bail conditions around app use was not straightforward.

“The use of the app would likely need to be a feature of the offending, to the extent that prohibiting its use was reasonably necessary to prevent further offending.”

In certain cases, she said police sought conditions to restrict a defendant’s access to the internet, not just specific apps.

“If, for example, the defendant’s use of dating apps was part of their modus operandi for meeting victims, that may justify such a condition.”

McKenzie said if a complainant was concerned that a defendant was accessing dating apps while on bail and that this created a risk of further offending, this was something they could raise with the officer in charge of the case.

“The officer in charge and prosecutor can then consider whether a specific bail condition should be sought to address the risk.”

The woman told the Herald that she did tell police that the man was on a dating app, and provided evidence, but was told it wasn’t a bail condition.

“They consider that it would be impossible or difficult to impose such bail conditions, but when I raised it, they then replied to me that we can’t do anything about it because it’s not one of his bail conditions.”

How to get help:
If you're in danger now:
• Phone the police on 111 or ask neighbours or friends to ring for you.
• Run outside and head for where there are other people. Scream for help so your neighbours can hear you.
• Take the children with you. Don't stop to get anything else.
• If you are being abused, remember it's not your fault. Violence is never okay.

Where to go for help or more information:
• Women's Refuge: Crisis line - 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843 (available 24/7)
• Shine: Helpline - 0508 744 633 (available 24/7)
• It's Not Ok: Family violence information line - 0800 456 450
• Shakti: Specialist services for African, Asian and Middle Eastern women and children.
• Crisis line - 0800 742 584 (available 24/7)
• Ministry of Justice: For information on family violence
• Te Kupenga Whakaoti Mahi Patunga: National Network of Family Violence Services
• White Ribbon: Aiming to eliminate men's violence towards women.

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Katie Harris is an Auckland-based journalist who covers issues including sexual assault, workplace misconduct, media, crime and justice. She joined the Herald in 2020.