A man who lost a friend in a tragedy similar to yesterday’s Abbey Caves disaster has offered support to the school and advice for the young survivors.

Yesterday a Whangārei Boys’ High School student died on a school excursion after he and 14 of his classmates, accompanied by two teachers, got into difficulty on an outdoor education trip at Abbey Caves.

About 33 years ago Peter Fraser, who was in his early 20s at the time, said he was on an all-boys Outward Bound trip when his friend was fatally washed away during a river crossing.

Even now the image of his friend’s final moments struggling down the river are etched in his mind.

Fraser empathised with the teenagers involved in yesterday’s tragedy, saying the most important thing they can do right now is come together and realise they will experience this time in different ways.

“Some of you will just feel completely numb and completely empty. That’s okay. Some of you will actually feel remorse, some of you will feel really, really sad. Some of you will feel angry.

“All of those are okay.”

What is important, he said, that they stick together: “Support each other and hey, guys, it’s important to grieve and it’s okay to cry and guys make sure it’s okay for the other ones to cry because I know you want to as well.

 “There’s a family, there’s a whānau pani out there that will never ever be the same after today, they’ll never be the same and so what they need is support.”

While he told the Herald there will be processes in time to find out what happened, he said it was now important for the community to come together and support those involved.

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“Most importantly give awhi to the whānau.”

Looking back now, Fraser described the “surreal” experience of tearing down the river trying to reach his friend, the police involvement and later receiving counselling to help recover.

“For the rest of your life when that happens, I mean, whenever it rains and I get into a river, I think of [his friend], it makes you a lot more wary about, about so many things. It means that when you’re with a group, and you’re in charge, you actually take, you know, particular care because you’ve actually been through something.

“There’s a family out there that was never ever the same again after that.”

A family member of the young man who died in yesterday’s tragedy shared a message of thanks on a Facebook group yesterday.

“On behalf of the whānau, we cannot express how grateful we are to all those who were involved in helping us find and bring our baby boy back to us.

“Police, fire crew, search and rescue, medical crew and so much more.

“We all felt so supported and cared for throughout the entire process.

“Your tireless efforts and aroha will be with us forever.”