After violating a young woman who had slept in his bed, an Alexandra man patted her on the head and said "good girl".

Yesterday, Blair Norman Stewart, 43, was jailed for two years, nine months and ordered to pay his traumatised victim $5000.

In the Dunedin District Court yesterday the woman questioned whether her attacker had any remorse and expressed sadness for his innocent family members.

"You only thought about yourself," she said.

"Your daughter and wife didn't deserve to have this in their life. How dare you make them part of your mess?"

The victim said she was now afraid to be home alone and was medicated for the "very intense" panic attacks which now arose at random.

She was, however, resolute that the ordeal would not define her.

"Your actions will never control my life ... I'll learn to trust again," she said.

On September 24 last year, she had gone to Stewart's home where there was a party attended by other young people.

While the defendant remained downstairs consuming alcohol and MDMA, the victim socialised with the man's wife in the couple's bedroom.

The two women fell asleep in the early hours of the morning and Stewart got into bed a couple of hours later.

By 9.30am, the defendant and his wife were awake and had a discussion about a quote for construction work.

When his wife left for work at 10.45am, Stewart made his way back upstairs to his bedroom where the victim — fully clothed — continued to sleep.

The man stripped and got into the bed, groping the woman under her clothing, violating her while she "froze" in terror.

After attempting to rape the victim, Stewart ended the attack, later telling police he believed the victim was asleep throughout.

When he was initially interviewed he denied the crimes, but after being told there was DNA evidence he made a confession within an hour.

Despite Stewart having taken responsibility, a Probation report assessed him as lacking empathy towards his victim.

Stewart said the incident had not affected his relationship with his daughter but his wife was "disappointed".

"I would've thought 'heartbroken' would have been the way to express it," Judge Kevin Phillips said.

Counsel Anne Stevens QC said her client had lost three close family members in 18 months and had never addressed his grief.

Instead, the court heard, he viewed pornography and drank to excess to compensate for the "sense of emptiness".

Stevens argued Stewart could be sentenced to home detention — to be served at the address where the violation took place, in the same town as the victim.

Judge Phillips disagreed.

- Rob Kidd, ODT