WARNING: DISTURBING CONTENT 

A mother of three “fell in love” with a friend’s 15-year-old son and formed a “relationship” with him before authorities discovered her “distorted thinking”. 

The teen wasn’t getting on well with his family and had been reported missing more than 20 times. She was very anxious to find love in a real relationship, and he provided it. 

Judge Jane Farish said that the pair fell in love and the relationship continued for several months as she sentenced the woman for sexual connection with a young person. 

“Unfortunately, you were very anxious to find love in a real relationship. He provided it, you fell in love, he fell in love with you.” 

The court heard the pair discussed having children of their own. 

The woman was friends with the boy’s mother who was aware of the relationship. 

However, his mother was concerned about his mental health and worried he might try to take his life if she tried to intervene or stop the relationship. 

The Christchurch District Court heard it played on the offender’s mind as well, as her mother had committed suicide, and she had also tried to take her own life. 

In early 2023, police were alerted by Oranga Tamariki to the relationship, and the woman then admitted it to police. 

At sentencing on Monday, Judge Farish said an earlier sentencing indication had been given with a starting point of five years’ jail. 

The Christchurch District Court. Photo / Nate McKinnon, RNZ 

A ‘co-dependant’ relationship 

Judge Farish said she would not be sending the woman to jail. 

“There is a lot of personal information which is relative as to why I am not sending her to jail.” 

Judge Farish said there was an issue with child sex offender registration. 

“I have to be satisfied that she poses a risk to those under 16 but there is not information that supports that.” 

Defence lawyer Kathy Basire said the victim was months away from consent when the offending happened. 

“She was not attracted to this person because of their age.” 

There was no grooming, there was “distorted thinking” when she fell in love with him, almost a mutual dependence on one another, which fed their distorted thinking, Basire said. 

There was an idea they could have a family and that everyone would accept it. 

However, she was meant to be more culpable because she was an adult. 

Basire said the victim was never interviewed and the prosecution relied on her client’s admissions. The relationship had occurred over a period of seven months in 2022. 

It was not a situation where the woman was sexually attracted to boys, it was a co-dependent relationship, Basire said. 

Inappropriate, but consensual 

Judge Farish said there were specific issues in sentencing the woman. 

There was suppression and another charge that had yet to be determined. 

There was a risk of identifying the complainant, while the judge was also concerned about the impact on the woman’s children. 

Judge Farish said she had read that one of the woman’s children was quite vulnerable. 

The woman had suffered a traumatic and difficult childhood, the judge said. She had suffered a lot of abuse and other people had taken advantage of her. 

Her relationship with the father of her children had been toxic and caused her harm, and she had struggled to step away from it. 

Judge Farish, in reading the reports, said there was a reality in the woman’s loneliness, she was parenting on her own, and the charges had caused her and her children a great deal of anxiety. 

“It is inappropriate to have relationships with those under 16 but this was consensual. 

“The difficulty is that you were a victim then became an offender. Your personal mental health struggles are significant, they are relevant, you would not have got into the relationship, but for your own difficulties.” 

Judge Farish took a starting point of four years’ jail, giving the woman a 20% discount for a guilty plea. Another 15% was applied for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and associated disorders. 

It had been noted she would be vulnerable if jailed, so another 5% was applied. 

Another 10% was given in recognising the woman’s relationship to her children. 

Home detention would be beneficial 

A sentence of home detention would benefit her children and the community at large in the long run, the judge said. 

Judge Farish sentenced the woman to nine months’ home detention and referred her to a sex offender programme. 

She was ordered not to possess or consume alcohol and to undertake any counselling as directed. 

Judge Farish said she would not impose an order that the woman not have contact with persons under 16 as it would create difficulties. 

“You are not at risk of having more sex.” 

She would have been automatically enrolled on the Child Sex Offender Register if given a custodial sentence, but given all the available material, there was no indication that she posed a risk, the judge said. 

Judge Farish then turned to the issue of suppression. The judge said she was worried about the woman’s children. If there was any publication of the woman’s name it would identify the victim, and he had wanted to move on with his life, the judge said. 

“He didn’t want to be part of this prosecution.” 

A final order was made for name suppression. 

SEXUAL HARM 

Where to get help:
If it's an emergency and you feel that you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
If you've ever experienced sexual assault or abuse and need to talk to someone, contact Safe to Talk confidentially, any time 24/7:
• Call 0800 044 334
• Text 4334
• Email [email protected]
• For more info or to web chat visit safetotalk.nz
Alternatively contact your local police station - click here for a list.
If you have been sexually assaulted, remember it's not your fault.

Al Williams is an Open Justice reporter for the New Zealand Herald, based in Christchurch. He has worked in daily and community titles in New Zealand and overseas for the last 16 years. Most recently he was editor of the Hauraki-Coromandel Post, based in Whangamatā. He was previously deputy editor of the Cook Islands News.