UPDATED 1PM: A men's refuge is dismissing Brian Tamaki's stance on men who abuse women as short-sighted.

The Destiny Church leader has released a Christmas statement telling New Zealand men to "man-up" over domestic violence.

He said men are the main reason New Zealand has the worst rates of family violence in the developed world.

Wise Guys Men's Group managing director Brent Milesi said he's thankful Tamaki is bringing light to domestic violence around Christmas.

But he said there's another story that is harder for society to swallow.

"What society doesn't see and what Brian has totally neglected is the fact that there are just as many women, who have been brought up in the gangs and violence, who are attacking their timid men."

Tamaki contacted the Herald on Sunday this week through a church spokeswoman to deliver a pre-Christmas statement - in which he challenged Kiwis to re-think how they see themselves and how they treat others over the festive season.

In the week of an ongoing Herald campaign - We're Better Than This - raising awareness around domestic violence, Tamaki's four-page statement titled "Man up over Christmas" centres on his belief that men are the main reason for New Zealand having the worst family violence rates in the developed world - and where the number of incidents spikes dramatically over the Christmas and New Year period.

"Men are the main factor of abuse and failure of the family structure but thankfully they are also the solution. If the man can be reached, you can reach the household," Tamaki said.

"One of the major problems a man deals with is a bruised ego. This can stem from childhood, his family environment, culture and other external influences. Very few men escape life's troubles without their ego being bruised - Ego has had a bad 'rap' in most cases."

Tamaki said it's down to men to understand their responsibilities as fathers and role models within the home and family environment.

"The father is entirely responsible for the future and success of his line. The health of his sons and daughters is in his hands," he said.

Rather than discuss their emotions, Tamaki said men tend to bottle up their problems out of fear they will be ridiculed, leading to low self-esteem. But, he says, it is possible to turn "bitter men to better men".

"Jesus said "Love your neighbour as yourself". If you really loved you, we would never hurt or harm anyone else... but alas, the violence, abuse, hatred, disrespect, heartless acts and behaviour tell me that a lot of men do not like who they are," he said.

"Many men are silently bleeding from within with wounds and hurts that cannot be seen - these men need someone to talk to. But this requires a trusted and safe environment where men can talk and share without threat or fear of being laughed at, ridiculed, belittled or thought of as inferior.

"This environment is where they are supported by those who have survived similar battles and help them move from being bitter men to better men, from being hurt to being healed."

Destiny Church has recently launched a project called "Man-Up" - an initiative focused on tackling family violence, depression, obesity, addiction and suicide.

Tamaki said former gang members are among thousands of men being helped in 93 weekly groups across New Zealand and Australia.

"With one Man-Up group at a time we will spread across the nation - and healing will come to our nation," he said.

"Heal the man - Heal the family. Heal the family - Heal the community. Heal the community - Heal the city. Heal the city - Heal the nation."

Earlier this month it was reported three Destiny Church charities have not filed annual accounts. Destiny said it has had difficulty finding an auditor in time to meet the deadline set by Charities Services.

NZ Herald

Read Brian Tamaki's statement in full here.