What’s the worst thing you’ve ever lost? Car keys? A wedding ring? Your dignity, perhaps? 

I’m not really a loser. Well, I’m a loser. But I’m not a loser of things. I’m not a misplacer. At least not yet. Against the odds, I’ve managed to go several years with the same pair of wireless earbuds without any major incident. And but for a very occasional misplaced bikelock key, perhaps my worst-ever losing of something was when I foolishly parked a rental car in a Las Vegas casino’s underground carpark and spent about 2 hours walking the rows trying to listen for the bleep’bleep. 

Certainly I’ve never lost anything that comes close to an F-35 jet. 

This for me was the stand out story of the week. Not the election campaign or the U.N General Assembly. The mystery of the missing F-35. 

It started on Tuesday, when a sheepish young man made a call to 9-11 asking if there had been any reports of a plane crash. He’d ejected, he said, while flying a F-35B Lightening II jet. 

Why exactly did he eject? We don’t really know. But he was only a mile from Charleston International Airport – an airport I’ve flown in and out of before – and he ended up parachuting down into someone’s suburban backyard. 

This is only a hunch, but if he was the one who hit the eject button, I’m guessing that pilot is feeling just a little sheepish. Because despite his ejection, the plane continued flying. Not just a few miles, but a full hundred kilometres. 

The F-35B is the most advanced fighter jet in the U.S military arsenal. It can take off and land vertically. And apparently the jet’s capacity for stealth shouldn’t be underestimated. Because maybe the most extraordinary thing about this whole situation is that it took more than 24 hours to find and report the debris field from the crashed F-35. 

To be clear – it didn’t go down on the battlefield. It didn’t go down in the ocean. A $170m fighter jet went down in a field in South Carolina and it took the mightiest military with the most advanced technology more than a day to find it. Forget transponders or radar or GPS, at one point the military was asking the public to call a special hotline with any information. 0800-missing-jet-who-am-I-speaking-with? 

You see, this is why I never believe in deep state conspiracies. As seductive as it might be to imagine an all-powerful government pulling the wool over our eyes and manipulating the global order, people always underestimate the incompetence factor. 

If America’s military can lose a state-of-the-art fighter jet in their own backyard, what hope do any of the rest of us have for our house keys?