The case of Invercargill cop Ben McLean has highlighted how prevalent domestic violence is in New Zealand.

He told the court his estranged wife broke his heart - saying he'll regret having been involved in her death for the rest of his life.

READ MORE: Killer cop Ben McLean jailed for at least 17 years

Lesley Elliott, whose daughter Sophie was murdered by an ex-boyfriend in 2008, said perpetrators often shift the blame off themselves.

"It's that victim blaming that really gets to me because it happens all the time and of course the victim's not there to stand up for his or herself. The bottom line is, he did it."

Elliott said our attitudes haven't changed. She said education could turn things around.

"We're pretty abusive as a nation. I think it's really very sad. When we get less women dying we might feel like we've made some inroads."

McLean was jailed for 17 years.