Last time Phil Goff was on the show was when he announced he was departing as Auckland's Mayor. I asked him about heading off to London for the High Commissioner gig. He denied it. He batted it away as something he wasn’t even considering.

But now we know that’s exactly what he’s doing. 

And maybe the fact he’s been packing his bags for London explains why he’s seemed so absent of late in his role as leader of the Super City. I like Phil Goff, I’ve said it before, I once even voted for him as Mayor, but he’s been largely ineffectual in the role, and actually quite a letdown to Aucklanders. 

Having said that. I don’t begrudge him the London gig. He’s actually very well suited to that kind of cushy cruisey cocktail party job. He’s got all the attributes - he’s convivial, chatty, friendly, diplomatic, and well steeped in issues that may arise at that level. He was extremely well regarded as our Foreign Minister once upon a time, very experienced, and probably doesn’t get enough credit for driving through the China free trade agreement. 

So I wish him well and I think he will do it with aplomb.

Which leads me to Trevor Mallard.

On what planet, is anyone giving him a diplomatic role anywhere? That guy is as far from diplomacy as you can get.

How on earth can anyone justify giving him a cushy job on the taxpayers' dime? A life of paid perks, out of our pockets, for a bully like Mallard – are you serious? Word is, he’s being lined up for Ambassador to Dublin. Here’s the problem with that. The role requires diplomacy, manners, etiquette, and common sense. Mallard doesn’t have any of that.

Worse, his reputation is permanently besmirched by the alarmist false rape allegation he made in Parliament, which he then used taxpayer money to defend and settle on after he was sued over it. That was not our fight and should not have been on our tab, he should've had the decency to clean up his own ugly mess. Why were we paying for his mistakes? 

Parliament's playground slide was the other outrageous expense he lumped us with. Half a million bucks on a slide no one asked for, and you’re telling me this is the man the government sees best fit for a plum Ambassador role, doing diplomacy in Dublin? Which, on the matter of diplomacy, ironically Mallard himself admitted it's not his forte.

A news article pointed out how he’s joked about his own ‘lack of diplomacy’. And we saw that first hand in his dealings with the parliament protestors recently. Playing them the Macarena, and turning hoses on them – was his best idea. A move that only served to aggravate protestors further. He’s immature, a bully, he’s not a diplomat. And he’s not remotely what New Zealand should have representing us on the world stage.

If ever a role screamed ‘job for the boys’ – this is it. It’s certainly not earned through merit. A guy who pigheadedly bleeds the taxpayer, getting relocated to continue bleeding the taxpayer – cushy car, driver, house, allowance, expenses, a fully-funded lifestyle all paid for by us. All those perks, and representing us on the world stage. 

Are you kidding me?