My Dad died 24 years ago this month and my Mum died two years ago in July.  Winter has not been kind to my family.

24 years ago my Dad’s death was quite hard to take.  I was young, he was young.  Only two years older than I am now.  With hindsight I know that Dad missed so much by leaving so early.  All his family’s adult acheivements.  The birth of four grand children.

My Dad’s death was one of the first amongst my mates so they all turned up and Dad’s wake turned epic.  But my friend’s Dad had died even younger and so my mate gave me a word of advice that I have passed on to everyone because it was bang on.

He said call me in a six weeks and I’ll come and help.

The point of that was that at the time of a death, the adrenaline kicks in.  There’s a funeral to organise. Photos to be found, coffins bought, making an order of service.  The phone is ringing off the hook with well wishers.  People popping round with frozen meals.  She’s all go.

Then there’s the funeral.  Then there’s the slow return to normal habits and patterns.  And then the growing realisation that a certain someone is not there anymore and will never be there and there’s nothing you can do about it.

My mate reckons that around 6 to 8 weeks after a death or a traumatic event the victims and survivors are at their lowest but the supporters have moved on. Which is why he makes sure that he reaches out to those grieving a couple of months later.

It’s been three months and one week since the Christchurch Mosque Massacre and today the Herald has a New York Times  article where survivors are talking of their growing frustration and anger with the government as they feel ignored and forgotten

The survivors believe that officials simply do not understand the magnitude of the challenges they face: the trauma, the injuries, the inability to financially support themselves. Immigration is acting slowly as injured people try to get family in the country to care for them.

Then there’s the continuing slow drip feed of public donations to survivors, partly caused by the fact that many have no comprehension of the sheer number of people affected by the events of March 15. It’s not just the 51 shot dead and the hundred injured, but also their wider families, their financial responsibilities. The number seems to be overwhelming Victim Support

At the time of massacre New Zealand moved quickly.  Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern said "We feel a huge duty of care to them. We have so much we feel the need to say and to do."

Three days later, she announced a ban on military style weapons. This week the government announced $208 million to buy back the guns.

The world praised our quick and compassionate reaction but now they’re reading that the victims are being left alone, injured, unemployed and depressed and poor.

Kate Gilmore, the United Nations deputy high commissioner for human rights, who visited Christchurch in April, has questioned the government's decision to prioritise gun reform and an inquiry into possible intelligence failures before making it clear to the families how they would be cared for.

She’s right on the money. 

For myself, I would rather the $150 million the government found in the Budget to buy firearms off law abiding owners would have been far better spent looking after the victims.