A silhouette of a woman. Photo / Getty Images

'My heart just went out to her': Wave of generosity for struggling single mum

Author: Emma Houpt,
Publish Date: Tue, 20 Dec 2022, 4:20PM

A solo mum who shared her story of financial hardship and the impact this had on her and her young children ahead of Christmas has prompted an outpouring of kindness from across New Zealand.

Since the article was published in the Bay of Plenty Times as part of its Christmas Appeal, people from Auckland, Christchurch, Taranaki, and the Bay of Plenty have offered to help the Tauranga mum.

Some wanted to buy Christmas presents and food for the family, while others had offered supermarket vouchers, petrol vouchers and money. The offers were being facilitated by Pāpāmoa Family Services, which offers budgeting, counselling and social work support.

The woman - who the Bay of Plenty Times agreed not to name for privacy reasons - cares for her two children, both aged under 12, but said last week life was “a survival game” as living costs increased while her benefit remained low.

The woman turned to Tauranga Community Foodbank for support after being referred by her financial adviser from Pāpāmoa Family Services.

Pāpāmoa Family Services manager Tara Hedgman.

Manager Tara Hedgman said on Monday she had been “fielding a whole lot of calls” from community members who wanted to help the woman. Another two people had come forward offering to support other families who used the service, she said.

“I feel blessed to be able to support a member of our community in such a generous way. I had little tears in my eyes earlier.”

Hedgman said the woman was “one of many” experiencing financial hardship right now, and she was “genuinely trying her best” to budget with what she had.

“This really couldn’t happen to someone more willing.”

Papakura mum Sarah Te Ao.

Sarah Te Ao, who lives in Papakura, contacted the Bay of Plenty Times on Monday offering to buy Christmas gifts for the family after reading their story.

Te Ao, also a single mum of two, said she could relate to the woman’s experience and admired how “courageous” she was in speaking out about her situation.

“I have been in her position; I’m a single mum trying and just can’t get a break. I just thought, ‘Man, I have been there and have struggled’. And my heart just went out to her,” she said.

“It’s someone who is actually trying but can’t get a leg-up. It’s just too hard at the moment out there. I just thought, ‘Everyone deserves Christmas and that little helping hand’.”

The 42-year-old said that seven years ago, she was facing financial difficulties trying to support her two sons - now aged 13 and 23 - while working full-time. She understood what it was like to put off bills so she could afford to pay other expenses.

“I just felt no matter how hard I worked, I couldn’t get ahead. I was lucky - I got a great promotion and suffered through to get to where I am today. And I am in a position now where I can help, and so I should.”

Te Ao said she was “so proud” of the Tauranga woman for asking for help, saying she was “too embarrassed and ashamed” to seek support years ago.

“It needs to be shared and realised [that] it is now an everyday struggle. I thought, how courageous for this lady to speak out. More people need to do that for something to change.”

Christchurch mum Raylene Ruka.

Christchurch mum Raylene Ruka, 42, gifted $500 to the Tauranga mum. She said it was “quite emotional” reading her story, as she had been in a similar situation before.

Ruka said $250 would go toward paying bills, and the other half would be used to buy a gift for the mum.

Ruka cared for her three children, aged seven, five, and three, and used to be a single mum.

“I have been through hardship. If anything, I can put myself in this lady’s shoes being a solo mum and trying to survive - trying as hard as you can with every little cent that you get.”

Ruka was given $1000 and wanted to use the money to help people in need. The other $500 would be sent to another family doing it tough, she said.

Asked her reason for helping, she responded: “I always said that if I had enough money, I would help someone else in the position I lived in.”

“Somebody helped me, and I have been given the opportunity to give back. And that’s what I want to do.”

The Tauranga woman said she was incredibly appreciative of the offers of support, as she was going through a “financially and emotionally tough time”.

“I was feeling emotional in knowing I had to reach out for help, and wondering how I was going to pay for everything. It’s really nice to have people that want to come and help us. Having people that want to help takes a lot of stress off my mind,” she said.

She said only weeks ago, the thought of Christmas Day approaching was “scary to think about”, and she worried about how she would provide for her children.

The woman’s story was shared as part of the Bay of Plenty Times’ Christmas Appeal to raise money and donations for the Tauranga Community Foodbank.

The appeal began last month and ends on Saturday.