By: Barry Soper | Friday, May 11, 2012 6:04 AM

If you wake up this morning in an Auckland suburb and see someone traipsing through your backyard, waving a fly swat in white overalls with a netting helmet covering his face don't be disturbed. It'll be a fly hunter on the lookout for any mates of the single male fruit fly who made his way to this country from Queensland.

He was caught in a trap, one of seven and a half thousand traps around the country, and now the hunt's on in case this illegal immigrant brought any family with him.

It might seem absurd that a single fly caught in a trap can sent our horticultural industry into such a flap. But anything that gives the Ocker shockers an excuse to ban our fruit from their lucrative market would be as juicy as they're now finding our apples.

They banned our apples for most of the past century because a smidgeon of fireblight was found on a Granny Smith and she fell out of favour. It's ironic now that their fruit fly could end up as the fly in our ointment.

But they have been found on this side of the ditch twice before and fortunately they were lone travellers, not breeding like their species have become known for.

And of course that brings us back to the promiscuity of our women, the most brazen in the world the leader of the Conservatives Colin Craig tells us. But it takes two to tango which means our men aren't exactly wilting violets either.

And that's seen Craig produce another survey to back up his argument called the International Sexuality Description project which canvassed all the bonking boffins around the world, around a hundred thousand of them and they've come to the conclusion that we're not the most sex crazed nation on earth, we come in second behind Finland, yes Finland, the home of angry birds.

Naturally enough that required a response from the Minister who's become famous in Finland Gerry Brownlee who gave the Fins a flick earlier this year questioning their education and the way they treat their women.

So what did he think about the flirtatious, fornicating Fins leaving us for dead in bed.

At least they're first at something, he sniffed!

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